


are you hurting (the one you love)?

by vatonages



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Casual Sex, Drinking, Gen, Light D/s Dynamics, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-04-17 21:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14198148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vatonages/pseuds/vatonages
Summary: hyungwon's old friend minhyuk moves to the area and he's like what hoseok thinks he's been missing all along. it's like time can be broken down into two eras, Before Minhyuk and whatever comes after.Hoseok’s eyes open suddenly and he sees Minhyuk looking down at him. He places a finger to his lips, as if to shush him.“Go back to sleep,” Minhyuk says softly, and it sounds strangely magical, feels like a spell. Hoseok snuggles into Minhyuk’s chest, which is strange considering he barely knows him, and falls asleep.





	1. in your car the radio up

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! first of all i'm sorry for not updating my chatfic. i'll do that soon! second of all i wanted to say this fic is mostly finished. part two will be up soon. i originally intended this as a long oneshot, but i was impatient and wanted to post this first part lol. also please stream the jealousy mv and vote when you can on apps like idol champ or on any other websites!! keep an eye out! love you all, mwah! :D

“This is Minhyuk,” Hyungwon says, smiling. He’s just come in from outside and his cheeks are rosy, snow melting on his eyelashes. His cheeks look incredibly round and youthful, and it’s different from his modeling smile, big and stretching out his face in a way that looks like genuine happiness. When Hoseok thinks of how Hyungwon looks when he’s happy, it’s this. It’s how he looks when Hoseok picks the radish out of his bibimbap for him, when he gets him a cone of vanilla ice cream on the boardwalk.

 

“We came to Seoul together. We’re Gwangju kids. He moved here recently and I’ve been showing him around. Thought I’d never see him again.” he says, putting an arm around Minhyuk, who smiles brightly like the sun. His hair is dyed blonde, like he’s some kind of celebrity, and he’s handsome in a way that everyone can agree on. Hoseok isn’t great at meeting strangers, because he never knows how to act around them, so he puts out a hand for a handshake. Hyungwon says his handshake is awful and too limp, that he’d never make it as a businessman. Luckily, Hoseok isn’t majoring in Business, so him and his limp, dead fish handshake will suffice.

 

Yet, he gets pulled into a hug instead and that catches him off guard physically  _ and  _ mentally. Minhyuk squeezes him and jumps up and down in pure glee and Hoseok just tries to keep up with him by patting his back. 

 

Noticing that Hoseok seems a little out of it, Hyungwon laughs and gets Minhyuk’s attention by clapping him on the back. Minhyuk pulls away from the hug and looks at Hyungwon and then back at Hoseok. He squeezes at Hoseok’s shoulders and makes an impressed sound.

 

“Ooh,” he says. “So muscular. You must work out a lot. That’s so impressive-” he talks fast, and he says a lot of things. Hyungwon pulls him away from Hoseok almost literally and laughs.

 

“Yeah, he goes to the gym...most days. Unlike you, huh?” he jokes. Minhyuk pouts.

 

“I hate sweating. It’s so gross and unpleasant and then you have to take a shower and it’s just…”

 

“You didn’t seem to think sweating was gross when you saw Hyunwoo earlier.” Hyungwon says cheekily, and Minhyuk considers that.

 

“Well, that’s different.”

 

“Whatever you say,” Hoseok can see they have an easy dynamic. It’s clear they’ve known each other for a while, but he feels kind of lost in the back and forth. He doesn’t like feeling caught off guard. It makes him defensive and stops him from being the friendly and fun person he knows he can be. 

 

“I’m on my way to the gym, sorry to cut our meeting short. I’ll see you guys around?” Hoseok says, looking between Hyungwon and Minhyuk, and Hyungwon nods.

 

“Sure, hyung. Don’t stay out too late. We don’t see you around here enough and Changkyun wants to have a movie night.”

 

“Okay,” Hoseok says, lifting his bag up. His muscles ripple underneath his shirt as he does so, and Minhyuk stares a little before mentally slapping himself.

 

“Minhyuk’s gonna be there, by the way,” Hyungwon says, and Hoseok looks up. He smiles, but it’s not as big as his usual one is. 

 

“Sounds fun,” he says. “Just don’t pick a horror movie. Minhyuk doesn’t know everyone yet and he’ll hate us if that’s the first time he hangs out with us,” Hyungwon laughs and it’s the one that sounds fake. The one where he goes  _ Ha ha ha _ . 

 

“Oh, I know,” he says. “Jooheon will kick the popcorn bowl into the air.” Hoseok laughs at the imagery of that, and Minhyuk laughs too. 

 

“Jooheon sounds funny,” he says.

 

“Jooheon is...a giant scaredy cat,” Hyungwon says, and then Hoseok can’t hear them anymore, the door shut behind him.

  
  


When Hoseok gets back from the gym, everybody is gone. Except for Minhyuk, lounging on the couch like an outstretched cat, no double chin despite the position of his jaw, absolutely lax and slightly tucked against his chest. He looks like he hasn’t moved for hours, and half of Hoseok thinks he’s awake, because his eyes are cracked open like they’re looking at him, but he’s breathing deeply like someone who’s asleep. 

 

He sets down his gym bag and waves a hand in front of Minhyuk’s face. When Minhyuk doesn’t respond, he shrugs to himself and takes his post gym shower, gets in clean clothes. He comes out toweling his hair and Minhyuk has only moved a little, just twisted his head to the left, mouth hanging open now, but somehow he looks pretty.

 

He sits on the couch, weight pressing down the cushion and Minhyuk wakes up slowly. When his eyes are fully open, he crawls over to Hoseok and sniffs him. Hoseok is confused and a little weirded out as Minhyuk brings his nose to sniff at Hoseok’s neck. Maybe he’s a cat, Hoseok thinks. It’s one of those animes where there’s an animal trapped in a human’s body. If he hugs him then he’ll turn back into a-

 

“You smell really good,” Minhyuk says, sniffing some more. He puts his hands on Hoseok’s shoulders and smells his hair. “Wow..” he says, in awe. “That shampoo is lovely,” He looks down at his hands and lifts them up, laughing self consciously.

 

“Sorry,” he says, laughing a rough laugh with intakes of breath that sound like someone cleaning a window, squeaky and harsh. Hoseok laughs it off.

 

“It’s okay,” he says. “Uh,” he says, not quite finding the words. He’s never been eloquent, has to search for his words like rifling through a bag. “Do you know where the others went?” he asks, and Minhyuk nods.

 

“Hyungwon and Hyunwoo and the guy with the dimples went to the store to get some snacks for the movie we’re watching later,” Hoseok nods, eyebrows furrowing. He’s weak when it comes to snacks. He’ll probably eat all the shrimp chips without even realizing it, and it’ll be like he went to the gym for nothing. Realizing something late, he laughs. The sound is bright and Minhyuk looks more awake when he hears it, can’t help but mirror the smile on Hoseok’s face.

 

“The guy with the dimples’ name is Jooheon,” he says, and Minhyuk grins, impish. 

 

“I know, but he gets so frustrated when I pretend not to know. It’s cute. He whines like a baby,” Minhyuk is funny, Hoseok thinks.

 

“They didn’t invite you to come?”

 

“Oh, they did. I was too tired, though. I passed out on the couch. I requested Hyungwon get chocolate though and if he shows up without it, I have permission from The Boss to tackle him,” Hoseok laughs again, does that a lot while talking to Minhyuk. There’s not enough time for the smile to slide off his face.

 

“Who’s The Boss?”

 

“Hyunwoo. He told me not to call him that but he’s not  _ my  _ boss. He’s just The Boss. I’m not under his jurisdiction,”

 

“Whose jurisdiction are you under then?”

 

“My own,” Minhyuk’s eyes narrow. “Is that a sly way to ask me if I’m dating someone?” he asks, and oh, Hoseok hadn’t even thought of that.

 

“No-” he says, a bit too fast. 

 

“Well, I’m not. I haven’t dated someone in…” He takes a moment to count on his fingers dramatically, mouths things to himself. His hands are beautiful. He could be a hand model, Hoseok thinks, if those exist. 

 

“A really long time,” Minhyuk concludes, holding out the syllables in “really” for emphasis, voice high like he’s singing a music note. Hoseok laughs again, just as musical, and Minhyuk smiles at him.

 

“You’re giggly,” he says. “It’s cute.” That makes Hoseok giggle, embarrassed. 

 

“You’re just funny,” he says.

 

“I’m not  _ that  _ funny,” Minhyuk assesses, very self aware. “I didn’t expect you to be cute like this. You’re so strong. I thought maybe you’d be like The Boss.”

 

“Hyunwoo is cute!” Hoseok pouts. “Just...in a way you have to get used to.” That makes Minhyuk laugh hard. It’s rough but manages to not be grating on Hoseok’s ears. In fact, he likes the sound.

 

“That’s a good way to put it.”

 

“You’ll see,” Hoseok smiles gently. “You’ll fall in love like everyone else,”

 

“Maybe I will,” Minhyuk says. He grins, then perks up for a second, tensing like an anxious dog. “I think they’re back,” he says, gives Hoseok his hand to help him up even though he’s more than capable of standing up by himself. “Let’s go see them,”

  
  
  


Hoseok is helping Hyunwoo put away a few refrigerated items, chill some beers, when he hears screaming and a thud. 

 

“You asshole!” Minhyuk says, on top of Hyungwon and clinging like a koala. “I asked for one thing!” Hyungwon plays dead, indifferent.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, but he doesn’t sound like he means it.

 

“Wow,” Hoseok says to Hyunwoo. “He really tackled him,” 

 

“Hyungwon told me a little bit about him in the car,” Hyunwoo says sagely, pauses with yogurt in his hands. “He said to never assume Minhyuk is joking about anything,” Hoseok nods, suddenly afraid. Minhyuk has switched from yelling to whining.

 

“How am I gonna enjoy this movie with no chocolate? Hyungwon, you demon,” he says, weakly hitting Hyungwon’s shoulder and letting him sit up. Hyungwon looks like this is very routine for him, dusts himself off. Minhyuk continues to cling, lips in a pout.

 

“Just walk to the convenience store and get some yourself. It’s like a block away.”

 

“I move here and you don’t even show me around. I don’t know where that is!”

 

“I’ll go with you,” Hoseok says. He feels bad for him. He knows the pain he’s experiencing, because he too has been Hyungwon’d. “I told you to start keeping a list,” he gently admonishes. Hyungwon pouts now.

 

“You don’t take a list either. We sent you for groceries and you got an eggplant, a thirty pack of ramen, and some floss. Jooheon had to go out and right your wrongs.”

 

“They’re groceries if you don’t have high standards,” Hoseok mumbles to himself. Now he’s pouting, too.

 

“Does anyone in this house know how to get a point across without resorting to pouting?” Hyunwoo asks. They pout, like sad puppies.

 

“No,” they answer honestly, and Hyunwoo sighs.

 

“Anyways,” Hoseok says, waving off the previous topic after having been exposed. “The convenience store. It’s cold out. Put on a jacket and we can be back here with chocolate real soon,” he says, and Minhyuk reluctantly gets off Hyungwon.

 

“Okay,” he says. “That’s so nice of you! I’ll be right back.” He runs out of the room and comes right back in with one of Hyungwon’s coats.

 

“Hello?” Hyungwon says. “That’s mine,” 

 

“We’re even after this. Besides, I used to steal your clothes all the time. It’s nostalgic, if you think about i,t” Minhyuk says, the only one in the house skinny enough to wear one of Hyungwon’s signature long coats besides Hyungwon, and oh, that’s right, they used to live together. “Let’s go!” he says, pointing to the door, and Hoseok smiles and heads out with him.

 

The wind is brisk, and Hoseok hisses before the cold air hits his teeth, rubs his hands together, breathes on them. 

 

“It’s colder than I thought,” he says. 

 

“Maybe you need a little more fat and less muscle on you. It  _ is  _ winter, after all,” Minhyuk says, so honest. No wonder Hyungwon likes him, Hoseok thinks. He hates liars. Sometimes Hoseok tries to spare his feelings about certain things because he’s a coward by nature, but Hyungwon always glares at him until the criticism slides out of his mouth. Hyungwon blinks hard, puts his chin up, and then makes a sound of consideration.

 

“I suppose you’re right,” he always says, and then looks right in Hoseok’s eyes, which are narrowed as he prepares for a scolding that won’t come. “I’ll respect that, hyung,” he says, and it’s over.

 

“Maybe you’re right,” Hoseok laughs. “Maybe I’ll dig into those snacks later and you’ll regret saying that,” he jokes, and Minhyuk snorts.

 

“Then I guess we better stock up when we get to the store, huh?” he says, looking up at Hoseok as they come up on the store. It’s so bright. The sun sets early because it’s not quite spring yet, and it’s been dark for hours even though it’s only 8 pm. It looks so unnatural, formidable even, and Hoseok is suddenly so aware that this was built, brought into creation by man.

 

“Chips?” Minhyuk asks, breaking him out of his thoughts as they walk in. Hoseok looks up, confused.

 

“Wh...Y-yes.” he replies, and if his stuttering and trailing off confuses Minhyuk, he doesn’t say anything about it. Minhyuk gives him a thumbs up and walks over to the candy aisle, surveying the rows of sweets like an appraiser of fine art. He picks up a few candy bars with deft fingers, humming happily, and puts them on the counter. Hoseok didn’t come here with the intent of getting lots of stuff, but he gets some hard lemonade and another bag of shrimp chips. Just in case, he tells himself. 

 

He swipes his card and Minhyuk coos at him.

 

“I’ll pay you back,” he promises, and Hoseok shakes his head.

 

“I’m the hyung and you’re our guest. Don’t worry about it,” he says, but Minhyuk’s got a glint in his eyes that says he’s going to pay him back anyway. 

 

They get back, and the movie has been paused for a good five minutes, everyone getting comfortable. There’s freshly laundered blankets and pillowcases on their pillows, and it’s warm, the kind of temperature that makes you sleepy. Hyungwon’s eyelids droop for a second and Changkyun scolds him with a light slap to the arm.

 

“Hyung!” he says, and Hyungwon startles awake. “The movie isn’t even on yet. You’re stronger than this.” he says. 

 

“You’re right!” Hyungwon says, slapping himself across the face and opening his eyes wide. 

 

“Hyung!” he calls, and he could be talking to literally anyone besides Jooheon or Changkyun. “Pass me a lemonade,” Hyunwoo reaches into the box and hesitates for a moment.

 

“There’s alcohol in it.”

 

“Not enough to fuck me up or anything. Hit me,” he says, and Hyunwoo tosses it over. Hyungwon catches it, pulls the tab up and starts chugging like a man who hasn’t had anything to drink in weeks. “Turn the movie on!” he says, putting a fist in the air, and Changkyun laughs.

 

“There we go.”

 

Hoseok looks around for a place to sit and all the couches are taken. There’s not even adequate floor space for anything besides him sitting with his legs crossed.

 

“I need fewer friends,” he pouts.

 

Minhyuk pats his lap. “Sit here,” he says. “I can handle it, Muscle Man,” he smiles, or maybe smirks, and Hoseok thinks to himself, well, fuck it. He sits down in Minhyuk’s lap, Minhyuk’s posture like someone who is used to having people there, reclined so his legs provide more room to sit, sliding his arms around Hoseok’s waist in a way that reminds him of those movie scenes. Those scenes where a girl gets on a motorcycle for the first time with the bad boy and she hugs him from the back as she tries to hold on for dear life. 

 

“You guys are comfy,” Jooheon teases, but Minhyuk sticks his tongue out at him. He already seems to get along with everyone so well.

 

“We forged a bond for life after going to the convenience store and now if he wants to get rid of me he has to kill me with his bare hands,” Minhyuk says, squeezing Hoseok around the middle like he owns him.

 

“Bear hands?” Changkyun says incredulously, and Hyungwon starts laughing. It’ll be a good six minutes before he stops, and everyone’s already given up hope for him. Kihyun turns the subtitles on.

 

“No, you fucking idiot,” Kihyun says, but he’s laughing. “Bare, like naked,”

 

“Oh!”

 

“I knew that would make you understand,”

 

“I hate this,” Jooheon says. 

 

“That’ll never happen, by the way,” Hyunwoo says. “Our Hoseokie is a pacifist,”

 

“Is he now, Boss?”

 

‘Call me Boss one more time,” Hyunwoo says, but he’s smiling.

 

“Can someone tell me what happened in the movie? I missed the last six minutes,” Hyungwon says, wiping away a tear.

 

“I hate this fucking family,” Jooheon says, choking on a shrimp chip.

 

“Hey, those are mine!” Hoseok whines, as Jooheon chokes and everyone continues not to help him.

 

“This is karma,” Minhyuk declares. “For saying he hates us and stealing your chips,”

 

“You’re right,” Hoseok says, satisfied, but he’s pouting a bit. He loves those chips. Hyunwoo claps Jooheon on the back in an attempt to dislodge the chip...segment that is lodged in his throat, but he does it too hard and just makes Jooheon cough harder.

 

“I heard his back crack,” Changkyun whispers. Hyunwoo takes the bag of chips out of Jooheon’s hands and hands them to Hoseok.

 

“I’ve avenged you,” he says. Jooheon finally stops coughing, voice raspy.

 

“Take them! They almost killed me,”

 

“I’m starting the fucking movie over,” Kihyun says, and everyone grumbles in agreement. “Can’t take anyone anywhere,” he mumbles.

Hoseok tries to ignore the warm feeling he gets from being held, the way his stomach flips. He loves this, loves sitting in laps and feeling small and protected the way he doesn’t often get to. You bulk up a bit and everyone assumes you want to dominate and own, destroy and conquer. That was never Hoseok’s intention. 

It’s hard to focus on the movie with Minhyuk’s arms around him. He keeps feeling blushy, getting distracted. He shifts a little, his hips starting to feel uncomfortable, and Minhyuk shuffles with him, holding him tighter. It’s nice. He feels safe and small and the movie passes in slow motion. He gets sleepy, eyes fluttering shut. The room feels calm, the ceiling lights set to a neon pink that makes everyone look fluorescent and young. It’s like a movie. Hyunwoo installed those lights himself, at Jooheon’s request. Acted like he hated doing it too, but smiled so big when he called them all down to check them out, let Jooheon peck him on the cheek in thanks and didn’t stop smiling when they went through all the possible color settings seven times, going “Ooh” each time, like it could never get old. 

Hoseok’s eyes open suddenly and he sees Minhyuk looking down at him. He places a finger to his lips, as if to shush him.

“Go back to sleep,” Minhyuk says softly, and it sounds strangely magical, feels like a spell. Hoseok snuggles into Minhyuk’s chest, which is strange considering he barely knows him, and falls asleep. He can’t blame it on any alcohol, but he’ll say he was just so tired, and Minhyuk was warm...

  
  


“You’re going to our school?” Jooheon asks the next day, and Minhyuk nods. He had slept over, and was in their kitchen buttering a piece of toast, hair sticking up freely, but still tamer than Jooheon’s. 

“Mhm!” he hums, crunches his toast and wipes the crumbs off his lips, coated in lip balm. “My credits transfer over just fine, so I’m gonna apply for the Spring semester and try to get this show on the road. Education, you know,” he says, and Jooheon does. He nods.

“That’s cool. I guess we’ll all be seeing each other a lot. Sounds fun! I love making new friends,” Jooheon says, lifting a spoonful of cereal to his mouth. He’s so social, no wonder he has all those friends in different majors. Hoseok smiles fondly. 

“I’ll need you guys to tell me which professors suck, so I can get ready to charm them in advance.” Hyungwon laughs. It’s a tad explosive, and it startles Kihyun.

“What are you gonna do?” Kihyun asks, smirking as though he didn’t just jump in fear. “Wink at them until they give you an A?”

“I have my methods,” Minhyuk says, waving a piece of toast around. The second one, unbuttered as of this moment. “I can be very alluring when I want to be,”

“Like right now getting crumbs everywhere?”

“I’m not trying to be alluring right now. It’s breakfast time,” Minhyuk laughs, and then crunches the bread loudly. Kihyun shakes his head and it’s already fond, and Hoseok gets the feeling Minhyuk is going to be around for a while.

  
  


They add Minhyuk to the groupchat. Specifically, Hyungwon does, and it’s either the worst decision he’s ever made, or the best one yet, because Minhyuk is active, never seems to put his phone down, and it makes it hard for everyone to focus when he’s going off in the messages and he’s making them laugh until they cry. 

Minhyuk sees Hoseok’s number on the list and they start texting gradually. Hoseok isn’t always good at replying but Minhyuk is so engaging, fills in the blanks, and it’s comfortable. Hoseok doesn’t feel like he has to act a certain way when they text, and it’s freeing. It’s fun. 

He smiles at his phone a lot and thinks it’s just because Minhyuk is funny, because he is. He’s a carefree and brutally honest kind of funny they haven’t had in their friend group until now, and in some ways it feels like they’ve been incomplete before this, before Minhyuk, like they’ve been waiting for him all along without knowing. Hyungwon always talks about balance, about having different personalities to counteract each other and create harmony, or maybe that was Hyungwon quoting his father. Either way, Hoseok thinks this is what he meant.

“Sorry for falling asleep on you that one night haha,” Hoseok texts, and immediately sees it’s been read.

“That’s okay :3c It’s not every day I get to have a body builder fall asleep on me,” Minhyuk texts back. Hoseok blinks hard at the ‘:3c’, but ignores that in favor of the body builder comment. He feels himself blush as he types back a response, his heart rate a bit too fast probably, a little too excited for the reply he’ll get.

  
  


Minhyuk asks if Hoseok wants to go bowling with him, and honestly, Hoseok hates bowling. He hates bowling alleys and the hard shoes and how dirty they are and how greasy the food is, but he can’t really find it in him to turn Minhyuk down, so he texts back that he’d love to. Minhyuk’s excited reply that arrives within seconds is all the confirmation Hoseok needs that he made the right decision, and strangely, he finds himself looking forward to it.

“You’re going bowling with Minhyuk?” Hyungwon asks, and he has this funny little look on his face. Hoseok is walking around trying to gather things. Minhyuk said it’d be nice if they had a sleepover, like when he stayed at their house for the movie, and Hoseok had agreed.

“Yeah,” Hoseok says, looking back at him as he packs his overnight bag. The amount of health supplements being placed inside of it could sustain a family for weeks, but for Hoseok’s weak immune system it’s still not enough.

“You hate bowling,” Hyungwon says, matter of fact.  _ But I don’t hate Minhyuk, _ Hoseok thinks to himself. “Last time you went you asked me if you could drop the ball on your foot so you could leave,”

“Well, maybe I love to bowl now. Maybe I’ve changed my mind. Maybe I just want bowling alley nachos.”

“You hate nachos too! You said the cheese is like plastic and the chips are like biting glass.”

“I love nachos. You just don’t know your hyung very well, do you?” Hoseok says, and pretends to be slightly offended, despite the fact that Hyungwon is 100% right, and Hoseok is honestly shocked that he even remembers those throwaway comments. He hikes the strap of the bag over his shoulder before he leaves. Minhyuk texted that he’s there. 

“Oh, and I won’t be back tonight, so don’t worry when it gets late,” he says. Hyungwon scoffs like implying he’ll worry is ridiculous, but Hoseok knows that he gets antsy when they don’t text to let them all know when they’re out late or when they’re getting home. He rubs at his tired eyes and paces, and it’s sweet. He called Jooheon 8 times before he picked up once and Jooheon apologized for five minutes, said his phone died and he didn’t get a chance to let them know how he was. Hyungwon hadn’t even gotten mad, just let out such a relieved sigh at the sound of Jooheon’s voice that he looked like he could cry. He smiled. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “I just get worried is all,”

“I know, hyung,” Jooheon said, and he sounded like he knew. Like he knew that Hyungwon had paced around the house for an hour, kept pushing his hair back. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” Hyungwon replied, so happy, always so worried about his babies. Jooheon and Changkyun, the two youngest. Hoseok smiles to humor him and doesn’t get a glimpse of Hyungwon’s face as he exits.

  
  


“You suck at this,” Minhyuk says, half laughing it rather than saying it. Hoseok blushes as he notices only three pins have fallen. 

“Maybe I’m not much of a bowler,” he admits, giggling. Minhyuk picks up a ball, slides his fingers into it with practiced ease. 

“That’s okay,” he says, smug. “I’ll knock down enough pins for both of us,” he says, and sends the ball rolling down the lane. The ball rolls quickly in a straight line and Minhyuk gets a strike, jumping up and yelling in celebration, automatically going to hug Hoseok and jump up and down, so openly excited. Hoseok laughs and jumps with him, and then just as quick as Minhyuk came he pulls away.

“Oh! Your turn,” he says, and hands Hoseok a ball. “Use this one,” he says. “It’s pretty,”

“Is that how professionals choose which ones to use?” Hoseok laughs. “By how pretty they are?”

“Yeah,” Minhyuk says shamelessly, smiling and nodding and Hoseok puts his fingers in the holes. On the backswing, Minhyuk clicks his tongue.

“You bowl like a grandmother,” he says, and Hoseok laughs, losing strength in his knees. He has to take a deep breath so he can focus on rolling the ball. It’ll probably be another three or fewer pins that fall, but he’s having such a good time, he doesn’t even care. He pulls his arm back and then rolls the ball hard. Minhyuk watches intently as it doesn’t fall right into the gutter, which is impressive enough for Hoseok, but then Minhyuk’s arm flies out to grab Hoseok’s shoulder as the ball gets closer to the pins. He tenses, waits, and then shouts.

“You got a strike!” Minhyuk says, smiling and laughing so brightly, so happy. Hoseok is just as happy, hugs Minhyuk tight until he worries he might crush him. Hoseok feels distantly that this is the kind of moment you remember forever, that if he were in a movie, this would be the scene that gets the dramatic lighting, the mood music. Minhyuk gives him a high five and he can’t help it, he leans forward and kisses Hoseok right on the mouth, just shy of being too deep a kiss for public. Hoseok pulls back a bit dizzy, but Minhyuk claps him on the shoulder. The kiss surprised him, but it felt intimate and chaste at the same time, distorted by its briefness.

“You’re the hyung, and if we look at our overall scores, I beat you. However,” Minhyuk says, pretending to look annoyed. “Considering your unexpected bowling prowess, no doubt acquired from watching a professional,” It’s clear the “professional” he’s referring to is in fact, Minhyuk himself. He smiles gently. “I’ll pay.” He slides his fingers into Hoseok’s naturally, so fluid. Minhyuk is so touchy, but so nonchalant about it. Hyungwon had joked that he was like an octopus, clingy to the point of suffocation, a Boa constrictor. 

Hoseok likes it. Minhyuk gives him all the affection he keeps himself from asking for, and this way Hoseok never feels annoying or needy. 

They spot a claw machine near the door, packed with stuffed animals. Minhyuk takes his hand out of Hoseok’s and reaches in his pocket for coins, looks determined, eyebrows furrowing, lips pressed together.

“I’m gonna win you that bunny,” he says, like it’s a sure thing. It’s a plan. Hoseok laughs, feels something flutter in his chest, a warmth that spreads.

“Are you?” he teases, as Minhyuk puts the coin in the slot and pulls up his sleeves, wraps his hand around the? joystick? Hoseok doesn’t know the words for these things. It seems unlikely he won’t get something, the glass absolutely full of toys. Not even one more could fit, and Hoseok thinks people probably don’t come here often, or they have an overzealous employee who thinks it should be full at all times. 

The claw jerks, more than it moves. Lurches. The bunny that Hoseok thinks Minhyuk is aiming for is a bit far away, sitting a little too close to the back to be grabbed, but Minhyuk can’t be broken. He moves it forward like he’s putting it in drive, and oh God, Hoseok hopes he doesn’t drive like that, if he can drive at all. The claw descends and grazes a floppy bunny ear, and then gets a weak grip on its foot. It’s comically large, makes Hoseok giggle. The claw drops it unceremoniously halfway through the trip, and Minhyuk lets out a quiet scream of anguish, eyes big.

“That’s okay,” Hoseok says, smiling. “You were close.”

“Too close!” Minhyuk says, frantic, like his favorite store is going out of business. “Now I have to get it! Wait one sec,” he says, reaching into his pocket for more coins and blowing the dust off one before shoving it into the machine again. He’s unshakeable, gets a firm grip on the bunny, silent as he moves the claw. It seems like it’ll fall again, but then-

“Yes!” Minhyuk shouts, loud enough to attract the attention of the other like, 3 people who are bowling. How did Minhyuk find this place? Hoseok has lived here for years, and has never even heard of it. He thought Minhyuk was giving him the wrong instructions and they were going to end up at a gas station. 

Minhyuk grabs the bunny out of the toys compartment and shoves the plushie into Hoseok’s arms, absolutely glowing with joy.

“It looks just like you!” he says, bouncing up and down. “It was destiny,” he says. Hoseok smiles as he looks at Minhyuk, and then at the bunny in his arms, its endearingly floppy ears and huge feet. He can feel his eyes warm.

“You think I look like a bunny?”

“Absolutely! Your contact name has the bunny emoji in it in my contacts. It’s cute, like you!” he says.

“Thanks, Minhyuk,” he says, and he actually has to fight off tears. It’s a bit dramatic, but he just is really touched, and he feels like the bunny needs him. He can put the bunny on his bed and sleep beside him, and maybe he won’t feel alone anymore in this bowling alley with the fluorescent lights that bring out all the flaws in people’s faces, with the smell of oil in the air. Maybe he’s been waiting all this time to be in Hoseok’s arms. Minhyuk slips a hand in his, on the side where he isn’t holding the plush bunny like an infant.

“What do you want to eat?” Minhyuk asks, absentmindedly swinging their arms, looking into Hoseok’s eyes.

“Hm…” Hoseok thinks, doesn’t want to go anywhere too expensive. “Let’s just go to some kind of buffet. That way we’ll both find things we like.”

“Okay,” Minhyuk smiles. “Bring the bunny,” he laughs, and Hoseok thinks, yeah, maybe he will.

  
  


They’re making out in Minhyuk’s bed in his new apartment. Hyunwoo had helped him move the boxes in with Jooheon in exchange for twenty bucks each, and it looked nice. It wasn’t cluttered but it looked comfortably lived in, somehow like it had an identity. Hoseok hated apartments, how anyone could move in and out. He thought they could never be homes, the entire premise too temporary. He liked places like his house with the other guys. It felt like memories could stay there, felt like a place to live. He liked that he could sigh and drop his bags when he walked in, could look around and say “This is all mine,” and not be lying. 

 

Minhyuk’s apartment didn’t feel like a ghost town, not like he expected. With him in his bed, it felt like they were the only two people in the world, but in a good way, like they were the only two that mattered.

Minhyuk’s hands on his body are a precarious mix of cautious and presumptive. They move boldly but without pressure, ready for a cue to stop. He slides hands under Hoseok’s shirt and swipes a thumb across his nipples, moves them down to his waist. Everything he does feels so good, and Hoseok has trouble catching his breath, breaks away from the kissing to pant. His heart is beating so fast and he’s not used to the way anxiety blooms in his chest, not used to worrying about sex. He’s self conscious suddenly, like Minhyuk might not like the way he moans or how he looks without clothes on or if he’ll think he’s too hard to please. He’s never wanted to impress someone this much. 

Minhyuk presses his body into the kiss this time, rolls and grabs Hoseok close. Hoseok lets himself melt into the kissing and Minhyuk pulls away to kiss and suck at the side of his neck. Hoseok’s mouth falls open with a moan and Minhyuk drags his teeth against the skin. 

“If I do something you don’t like, just tell me,” he says breathily, half whispering, and Hoseok nods dumbly, lost in sensation, in Minhyuk’s traveling hands that rest on his hips and his unrelenting kisses that make him feel trapped in a good way. He likes Minhyuk everywhere and close like this, likes that it’s almost hard to breathe. 

There’s a scented candle burning (safely, away from anything that could knock it over or catch on fire, per Hoseok’s insistence) but all Hoseok can smell are Minhyuk’s two colognes, the ones he mixes on his wrists. He gets high off the smell. Hoseok thinks he can get used to this, this sensation, like falling deeply into something. It’s like Inuyasha, and he’s Kagome falling into the well, going back in time hundreds of years. 

“Not everything is an anime reference, hyung,” Hoseok hears Jooheon say in his mind.

“I’ll make everything an anime reference until I  _ die, _ ” Hoseok thinks, and then Minhyuk sucks at a spot on his shoulder and he whimpers. Minhyuk’s fingers tap at his waist twice and then he looks Hoseok in the eyes.

“Can I take this off?” he asks, and Hoseok nods, feels Minhyuk’s fingers tighten their grasp on the fabric as he puts his arms up, as his shirt is taken off his body. The air is cool on his skin, but not cold, and Minhyuk’s body is burning hot. 

“God,” Minhyuk says reverently, then smiles. “You really do love to work out,” He smooths a hand down Hoseok’s muscular arms, and then seems to remember something.

“Where were we?” he asks, cheekily, and it feels like breaking character. Minhyuk is just full of unexpected charms, he supposes. His eyebrows furrow.

“What do you want me to do?” he asks Hoseok, and that makes more anxiety cycle in Hoseok’s chest, heart rate going up and up and-

“ _ Oh,”  _ he moans when Minhyuk unbuttons his jeans, slides a hand into his pants easily. His big hand wraps around Hoseok’s hard cock and gives it slow strokes, sweet and easy. Hoseok doesn’t care, even dry it feels amazing. He’s panting, and Minhyuk is sucking on the skin of his neck, and then his other hand comes up, searching. 

“Arms up,” he says, like an order, and Hoseok listens. Minhyuk’s free hand wraps around his two wrists, presses them into the bed. Hoseok feels on display like this, completely at Minhyuk’s power, and it’s so good. Heat flows through him. He lets out a whine, embarrassed by the sound as Minhyuk smiles into his neck, and he feels his teeth. 

“I knew you’d like that,” he whispers, and Hoseok’s cock twitches in his hand, wet with precum, so hard. Hoseok’s hips twitch up to get friction, and Minhyuk takes his hand away to press Hoseok’s hips down.

“Stay still, be good for me,” he whispers, not unkindly, and Hoseok whimpers, nods. The hickeys Minhyuk is sucking into Hoseok’s neck must be dark, angry shades of red and purple that bleed into each other, wounds. Hoseok can feel himself getting closer, stomach muscles tensing and untensing. His whole body feels so good, and he loves the power exuding from Minhyuk’s body, how in that moment he feels like Minhyuk owns him. 

“I’m- I’m gonna,” he gets out, and then Minhyuk cuts him off with a rough kiss, lips pressing hard and messy, teeth tugging on lips and desperation taking over, his hand moving at a constant speed, driving Hoseok closer and closer to the edge, and Hoseok wants to scream but Minhyuk’s mouth is on his, demanding. Hoseok breaks away quickly to gasp but then Minhyuk’s mouth is on his again and Hoseok is coming hard, arms fighting against Minhyuk’s hand on his wrists, back arching, hips twitching. 

Minhyuk keeps stroking him through it, even when it’s a bit too sensitive, but Hoseok even likes that too, shivers with it, the overstimulation. Minhyuk lets go of his wrists (his skin is so fair, and he thinks he’ll have bruises) and leans down to give Hoseok’s cock a few kittenish licks. It’s far too sensitive, makes Hoseok wriggle in discomfort that is as delicious as it is overwhelming, and then Minhyuk comes back up and kisses him. Post orgasm the kiss is lazy, deeper and slower and better. Hoseok pulls away slow and hazy, realization dawning on him.

“You still haven’t…”

“That’s okay. You seem tired. I can take care of it,” he says, not seeming the least put out by it, smiling at him. He already seems so bright again, like he didn’t just morph into the dom of Hoseok’s dreams completely unannounced. Hoseok pouts. He  _ is  _ tired, but it just doesn’t seem fair. 

“You can come on my face,” he offers, and Minhyuk groans, kissing him again. 

“Will you be good and wait patiently for me? To make a mess on your pretty face? Will you be a good boy for me?” he whispers close to Hoseok’s ear so his breath fans over Hoseok’s neck, makes his cock twitch. Hoseok nods quick, gets up so he can get on his knees, shuts his eyes. 

The slick sound of Minhyuk’s hand working over his cock and the sounds of pleasure he lets out as he does so make Hoseok dizzy. He opens his eyes without saying anything and leans down to suck him off. Minhyuk’s eyes widen in surprise as he moves his hand away, but then he’s just groaning, raspy moans filling the air and giving Hoseok goosebumps. 

He bobs his head and then pulls his mouth off when Minhyuk breathes faster, gently pushes Hoseok’s face away and moves his hand quickly. Hoseok’s eyes are closed when Minhyuk comes on his face, his cheeks, his eyelids. Hoseok can feel the stir of arousal in his stomach and tries to will it away. He’s tired but Minhyuk is so, so hot, groans as he sees the mess on Hoseok’s face. He reaches up and smears it with a thumb.

“That was so good,” he says, and Hoseok warms under the praise, feels good deep down inside. Minhyuk smiles at him.

“I’ll go get a rag.” he says, and hops up gingerly to go to his bathroom. Hoseok feels boneless and tired now, adrenaline wearing off. He just wants to sleep. Minhyuk comes back and wipes him off quickly, his stomach and face. There’s a bit of cum drying in his hair, but he’ll shower tomorrow. Minhyuk admires his work and kisses Hoseok on the cheek before he puts the rag in his dirty clothes’ hamper. He gets a big shirt out of his dresser and throws it on, puts on a clean pair of boxers. Hoseok doesn’t move. He brought pajamas, but he prefers not to wear them. Minhyuk gets into his bed beside Hoseok and adjusts the blanket, looks over at him and spreads his arms, inviting Hoseok in. 

This isn’t what Hoseok had in mind when Minhyuk asked him to go bowling, but he’s not upset with the outcome. He snuggles into Minhyuk’s arms and falls asleep in the middle of a thought, warm and sated.

 

It changes things and it doesn’t. Minhyuk is very casual and yet possessive at the same time. For the most part they act like nothing happened, like Minhyuk didn’t come on Hoseok’s face or whisper hotly in his ear while he jerked him off. 

Yet Hoseok thinks about it constantly, has the hickeys on his neck to remind him. He touches them self consciously throughout the day. They take a while to fade, angry shades of ugly purples and reds. Minhyuk’s teeth are sharp, do a lot of damage apparently. Hoseok woke up in Minhyuk’s bed and almost fainted when he looked in the mirror, and Minhyuk just laughed. 

Hyungwon looks at him in a way Hoseok can’t interpret when he returns, BB cream two shades too dark in patches on his neck over the still obvious bruises. Minhyuk had tried to help though, had said sorry and kissed his neck before Hoseok whined and complained that that was what had caused the problem in the first place. Hyungwon has to know they’re from Minhyuk, but he doesn’t say anything, and honestly that stresses Hoseok out.

The return to school after the break between semesters is hard, and Hoseok can’t believe he was foolish enough to sign up for an 8 am class, like some kind of freshman. It changes his social life, too. It changes how often he sees Minhyuk, more importantly.

They hang out a little more, whether in their group of seven or on their own. There’s not always kissing, but sometimes there is. Being together is easy, and they hold hands without thinking about it, send each other memes one on one and keep each other up at night. Focusing in their one shared class is hard, glances and smiles across the room. Hoseok feels a mix of joy and dread in his stomach like an undesirable cocktail, a strange red cup handed to him at a party. 

If anyone notices anything, they don’t say it, just exchange glances with each other. Hoseok puts on a bit of eyeliner before he leaves to “accentuate his eyes”, and Hyunwoo gives him a certain kind of amused look, eyes twinkling.

“Nobody thinks I notice things,” Hyunwoo says, opening the door for Hoseok so he can leave. “But I always do,” he says. Hoseok tries to ignore him, but then Hyunwoo calls “Be safe!” out the door, and he just can’t be like that with him. He turns around, grins, and promises to text.

  
  


“This is supposed to be fun, right?” Minhyuk says, a rhetorical question, still half smiling. “So just relax your muscles,” he says, and when Hoseok exhales, he drops his shoulders, just realizing that he was previously tensing them so they were near his ears. “And tell me what you want,” Hoseok thinks for a moment, hand absently stroking Minhyuk’s thigh.

“Can I give you a blowjob?” he asks, and Minhyuk looks a little surprised, but nods. He unbuttons and unzips his jeans after Hoseok has lifted himself off of him so that he’s on his knees on the bed. He shimmies them down his legs as Hoseok moves so he’s kneeling between them. Hoseok covers Minhyuk’s hands with his own as he tugs his boxers down, slides them down his thighs and moves so Minhyuk can kick them off. Minhyuk is half hard already, motions for Hoseok to lean down and kiss him, so Hoseok does.

Hoseok smiles into the kiss, feeling a bit more relaxed now. Maybe it was the fact that he felt on display before that made him anxious, like he had to be a perfect statue, but with Minhyuk’s pants off and the way Minhyuk lays there shamelessly, every muscle relaxed, he feels some of that calmness bleeding into himself as well. 

He moans a little into the kisses, which could be embarrassing, but kissing Minhyuk is nice, feels like everything else, the way Minhyuk touches him and suddenly he’s everywhere, all Hoseok can focus on. He slides a hand down Minhyuk’s chest, down his stomach, and then wraps a hand around his cock. Minhyuk doesn’t flinch, just kisses seamlessly, eyebrows furrowing a bit as Hoseok pumps him slowly. Hoseok kisses him again, lighter this time, and pulls up, sitting down too far away to kiss. He’s directly in front of Minhyuk’s cock now, hard and oddly pretty, he thinks. He meets Minhyuk’s eyes and Minhyuk looks very focused, like he’s doing a math problem. Hoseok grins at him and then licks the tip, using his hands to pump up and down. 

Hoseok takes the tip into his mouth and then slowly takes more into his mouth, going down farther but not far enough to gag, hollows his cheeks and bobs his head at an even pace, and Minhyuk hisses through his teeth at the stimulation, large hand coming up to Hoseok’s head, fingers sliding into his hair.

“So pretty,” he says, and Hoseok isn’t used to this, people talking while he sucks them off. Usually they’re silent, or they moan every once in a while, but Minhyuk keeps speaking to him, cutting off occasionally to groan or roll his hips up just a bit. 

“You look so pretty like this, good with your mouth,” he says, and tugs gently on Hoseok’s hair, slow but with pressure. Hoseok whimpers, likes the praise as it spills from his lips, wine overflowing from a goblet. He feels warmth in his belly, fire burn beneath his skin, getting harder in his jeans. 

Hoseok takes more of his cock into his mouth now, moves slowly so when he gags it doesn’t hurt his throat as much. He holds himself down for a moment as he gags, and Minhyuk moans, raspy and beautiful. Hoseok takes a second to catch his breath, eyes wet with tears, lips swollen, and he looks gorgeous.

He goes back to bobbing his head, gags once, again, and Minhyuk tugs on his hair every once in a while.

“Good boy,” Minhyuk says, gently swiping his thumb across his full cheek, and Hoseok almost chokes, has to pull up as a wave of arousal hits him hard. He presses his thighs together, a little embarrassed, and Minhyuk smiles a sleepy but mischievous smile. 

“Oh, you liked that.” he says. “Good to know,” He uses the hand in Hoseok’s hair to guide him back down to his cock, and then pushes into Hoseok’s mouth. Hoseok lets him fuck his mouth gently. Minhyuk seems to have no desire to go fast, isn’t in a hurry. It’s easier on Hoseok’s throat like this, and he appreciates it. Sometimes the guys Hoseok’s with are far too rough, and Hoseok doesn’t have the heart to say anything. Hoseok feels needy in his chest and he’s so hard in his jeans it aches. He needs to be touched so badly, but he’s focused on the task at hand. Minhyuk’s hips still.

“Do you just want to do this?” he asks, sounding a little confused. “It feels so good,” he says, so Hoseok doesn’t have time to get self conscious. “But you don’t want me to...fuck you or anything?” he asks. Hoseok whimpers.

“Would you?” he asks, knowing he sounds desperate but too needy to care, the thought of Minhyuk’s fingers stretching him open driving him mad. Minhyuk grins like he knows something Hoseok doesn’t, but it’s friendly.

“Of course,” he says. “That’s sort of what I expected. Up,” he says gently, like a command, but not in a disrespectful way. Hoseok sits up and Minhyuk leans up to kiss him.

“How do you want this?”

“On my back?” Hoseok asks. For some reason each question he asks sends a new wave of anxiety through him, fighting against the arousal, but Minhyuk is kind.

“Okay,” he smiles. “I’ll prep you well, so don’t worry.” He reaches into his bedside drawer, and it’s such a cliche, but there’s lube and like six different varieties of condoms, and Minhyuk seems to remember something.

“Oh! And I’m clean. I got tested recently, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”

“Me too!” Hoseok nods. He almost forgot to tell or ask, which is a bad habit. “I get tested pretty frequently,” Minhyuk laughs.

“Cautious, I like that,” Hoseok lays down on his back as they move positions, and Minhyuk unbuttons Hoseok’s jeans, finally taking some of the pressure off his dick.

“You really got all worked up just sucking my dick, huh?” Minhyuk asks, seeing how hard Hoseok is. Hoseok presses his thighs together, nods. “You were so good with your mouth, such a good boy for me. Can you be good like that again?” he asks, and his voice is so hot, rough and raspy like gravel. Hoseok nods, suddenly desperate to be good for him. 

Minhyuk pulls his jeans the rest of the way down, and then his boxers. Hoseok is so eager to be touched, and then Minhyuk is uncapping the lube. He warms it between his fingers before he touches Hoseok’s entrance, circling it so when he presses a finger in to the first knuckle it’s not so shocking. Hoseok moans. It’s a familiar stretch, a taste of what’s to come, and Minhyuk moves the finger in and out slowly, and then deeper, and oh, he’s good at this, at fingering him. Hoseok thinks with a few more fingers he could come like this, under Minhyuk’s skillful touch. 

“Okay?” Minhyuk asks, and Hoseok nods, whimpering on the exhale.

“Good with your fingers,” Hoseok breathes out, and Minhyuk smiles. 

“I’m glad you think so. I’m gonna put in another one,” he says, and it’s weird, how this is a hook up but it isn’t, how Minhyuk is taking such good care of him, not rushing to press into him or fuck him hard and fast, didn’t fuck his mouth or kiss him til his teeth cut Hoseok’s lips. He’s not really sure what to make of it, but maybe Minhyuk is just like this, caring but so sexy, touch lingering everywhere, unraveling Hoseok until he feels shaky, needs more. Maybe he likes to take people apart.

The stretch that adding the second finger causes is good, and Hoseok is more and more eager to feel Minhyuk inside of him.

“Your fingers are longer than mine, they feel better,” he says, and Minhyuk’s breath hitches.

  
“Finger yourself a lot?” he asks, and Hoseok whines when Minhyuk scissors his fingers inside of him, stretches him more.

“Yeah,” he moans. “People never expect that. They think because I’m big and muscular my personality is big too, that I want to be in control all the time,”

“But you don’t want to,” Minhyuk supplies. 

“No,” Hoseok says. “I don’t. I like to be...taken care of,” he says, and it’s embarrassing, when he says it out loud. Minhyuk smiles. 

“I can do that for you, take care of you,” he says, and then Hoseok lets out a whine, and the night blurs into touches and motion, bodies rocking against each other, whispers that sound like songs.

  
  


They’re at dinner with their friends, or they’re supposed to be. They’re in the restaurant bathroom, kissing like they can’t get enough of each other.

His skin is too hot in his leather jacket, and Minhyuk hands are everywhere. It’s that suffocating, intense touch again, and he loves it. He drinks it up, the feel of Minhyuk’s skilled fingers, Minhyuk’s mouth that won’t leave his skin for a moment, his body that closes in on Hoseok’s, pressing him against the wall. Hoseok pants. Minhyuk is holding his wrists against the wall. 

“What do you want?” Minhyuk whispers in his ear, and Hoseok whimpers.

“I just want you to touch me. Touch me anywhere,” he says, and Minhyuk grins into his shoulder.

“I can do that. I’ll take care of you, baby,” Minhyuk says, and Hoseok shivers, feeling wanted.

They emerge from the bathroom one at a time, five minutes apart, Hoseok trying to press toilet paper soaked with cold water against the bite marks on his neck to make the swelling go down before he leaves.

“Fuck,” he whispers to himself as he looks at the angry marks. There’s nothing subtle about them. He’s going to have to have a talk with Minhyuk about how bitey he is at some point. He sighs and throws the wad of wet tissue into the garbage, accepts his fate. His hair is messy, like Minhyuk was on a mission to make him look as debauched as possible. He sees bruises forming on his wrists too, Minhyuk’s crushing grip that didn’t hurt. He pulls his sleeves down. 

As he exits, he makes eye contact with Minhyuk, who looks very satisfied with himself, smirking with his legs crossed under the table. Hoseok sits next to him and notices Hyungwon’s eyebrows raise as he takes a sip of his Coke. He hopes Hyungwon doesn’t say anything as Minhyuk puts an arm around Hoseok’s shoulder, scoots their chairs closer. 

Minhyuk mixes these two colognes and they smell so good together. Hoseok loves the scent, the weight of his arm around him, has never felt this desire to be close to him like this before. Any time away from Minhyuk feels like too long, feels like he’s just counting the seconds until he can see him again. Part of him knows there’s something about this that feels dangerous, feels like it’s going to have a bad ending, but he can’t help the way he’s ruled by sensation, by touch, different and more tempting than anything before.

“At this point, Minhyuk might as well move in,” Hyunwoo says, only half joking. He takes a sip of water, is trying to wean himself off soda. 

“He’s over enough,” he says it like a statement, but he looks at Hoseok like he’s asking a question.  _ What are you guys?  _ Hyunwoo’s eyes ask, but Hoseok doesn’t know how to answer. He wants to ask Minhyuk that too, but he’s too scared to know the answer, so he just laughs.

“We don’t have enough rooms,” he says, smiling like it’s so funny, and that’s not entirely true. They have one spare guest room. It’s not huge, but it’s big enough for just Minhyuk. Hyunwoo stares at him a moment longer, but he knows when to drop something. He picks up his glass of water and takes a sip, but Hoseok can still feel his energy like a bad omen, a dark cloud rolling out across the sunny sky. 

  
  


Minhyuk comes over more and more often for studying sessions. They start out with innocent intentions, but then they always get distracted. Minhyuk on top of Hoseok and asking if anyone’s home.

“I don’t think so,” Hoseok breathes against his mouth. Minhyuk nips at his neck and he makes a sound. “Mm,”  he sighs.

“We’ll just have to study more after this to make up for it,” Minhyuk reasons, and Hoseok laughs.

“I guess so,” 

Hoseok figures they must need it, because they don’t hold back at all. Hoseok can’t stop moaning or whining or swallow the sounds, they just come out one after another as Minhyuk touches him, thrusts into him. His bed cries out in protest, surely not designed for this sort of thing, but they don’t slow down. They don’t last long, but Hoseok comes hard, burying his face in Minhyuk’s shoulder. Minhyuk comes inside and Hoseok thinks, god, it’s been so long since he’s let someone do that. He doesn’t know if this is a good or bad development. He lets Minhyuk sleep while he pulls on his boxers and walks downstairs to the bathroom. He needs a quick shower. 

“Intense studying session?” Kihyun asks, laughing as he flips a pancake. Hoseok hadn’t known he was home, and he feels embarrassment creep up his neck, knows Kihyun heard everything. They never used to hide things from each other. It was just open and honest, without fear of any more judgement than the teasing that having friends warrants, but Hoseok is scared to admit how into Minhyuk he is, how he trembles for his touch. It makes it too real, and it makes the part of Hoseok that is terrified of getting his heart broken feel raw and exposed.

“Yeah,” he says, eyes on the floor. Kihyun frowns, turns the burner off. He wipes his hands on his apron.

“You guys don’t have to sneak around,” Kihyun says. “You could maybe be a bit  _ quieter, _ ” he says, hoping to make Hoseok smile. It doesn’t work. “But I’m assuming based on your face right now you thought nobody was home, so I’ll forgive you.” It’s silent for a minute, Hoseok not knowing how to reply. Kihyun speaks again. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “You think Hyungwon’ll be mad because Minhyuk is his friend?”

“No…” Hoseok says. “It’s just...complicated.”

“It seems like you really like him. He makes you happy, right?” Kihyun asks, all the questions Hoseok doesn’t want to consider or think about. He nods, but he feels like he’s going to tear up. Kihyun cups a cheek and looks at Hoseok. There’s flour on his face from where Kihyun couldn’t wipe it all off.

“You okay?” he asks. Hoseok sniffles and nods, takes a deep breath. 

“It’s just that you’re right,” he says.

“Where is he? I know I didn’t see him leaving.”

“Upstairs in my bed. He’s taking a nap. I said he could.” Kihyun laughs.

“I’ve never seen Minhyuk out of energy before. This is incredible to me.” Hoseok smiles at that.

“Well, go ask him if he wants pancakes.” Kihyun says. “You know I’m horrible at portioning. I always make too much food. I think I just expect you guys will eat some.”

“So you’re telling me you cook more as a reflex?” Hoseok jokes. Kihyun laughs.

“Exactly.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’m gonna hop in the shower,” he says, and Kihyun nods. He catches a view of Hoseok from the back and hisses.

“Wow, that hickey looks like it needs some medical attention,” he says, and Hoseok is so embarrassed he could just lay down right there and die.

“Yeah, he’s...He’s bitey,”

“I guess so,” Kihyun says, laughing incredulously, takes too long to flip a pancake and curses when he sees it’s burnt.

  
  


Hoseok pouts, clawing at Minhyuk’s shoulder. He wants a kiss, whines for Minhyuk to give him one, but Minhyuk coughs into the crook of his arm.

“No!” he says, not angry, half laughing. “You’ll get sick! I have a cold, and you have the worst immune system there is.”

“Don’t care,” Hoseok says, pouting some more. He’s acting like a child now, but it’s endearing.

“You’ll care when you’re sick, and  _ I’ll  _ care, when you’re whining to me about how sick you feel.” 

“That’s not even true,” Hoseok laughs, finding Minhyuk’s exasperation humorous. “It’s Kihyun who nurses me back to health anyways,” He ignores Minhyuk’s warnings and slides his arms around Minhyuk’s waist, hugging him and soaking up his warmth. Minhyuk sighs, but it’s fond.

“Maybe it doesn’t always have to be Kihyun,” Minhyuk says, but offers no further explanation. Hoseok lets that lay where it may, but he thinks about it wordlessly, turning the words over and over in his head until they seem unlike words at all.

  
  


“You’re so...open,” Hyungwon  says one day, laughing fondly. Hoseok pouts at him.

“Is that bad?” he says, eyes sparkly and big with the light hitting them, young and naive in a way Hyungwon’s aren’t.

“No, you’re just soft and open.” Hyungwon says. He ruffles Hoseok’s hair and smiles when he pouts. “There’s nothing wrong with being like that. With being easy to read, to understand…” He trails off then, like he’s thinking about something that troubles him, lips pulled into a confused pout and eyebrows furrowed. 

  
  


Hoseok is sick, he’s tired from classes and his part time job. He only gets about fifteen hours a week but on top of school and not feeling well it seems to stretch into thirty hours, forty and beyond. He’s walking with Minhyuk and trying to be happy, positive. He thinks Minhyuk wouldn’t like him, the way he feels inside, like a giant storm cloud is brewing, like if he opens his mouth too wide thunder will crackle out of it. He feels tired in a way that is deeper than just needing sleep. He’s just managing these laughs, these smiles. Minhyuk coaxes them out of him with little effort, but then a man bumps into Hoseok hard enough to make him stumble, like some burly football player just walked right into him, and then Hoseok’s coffee is bumped out of his hands, splashing on him and all over his clothes and the floor. 

Minhyuk looks at the man who bumped into him angrily, wants to yell at him to apologize, but Hoseok’s wet clothes are more of an issue.

“Oh, Hoseok,” he says. “Let’s get you some napkins or something. Let’s get you home for a change of clothes,” He pulls napkin after napkin out of a dispenser with quick hands and presses them into the wet fabric of Hoseok’s jeans, right over his thighs. Hoseok’s lower lip wobbles and Minhyuk notices. His throat aches with sickness and the tears that are threatening to pour out.

“Let’s go to the car,” Minhyuk says, not waiting for a response and taking Hoseok’s hand, like a child, and walking him to his red car in the parking lot. When Hoseok is sitting in the passenger seat and the door is finally shut, Minhyuk turns to look at him.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and that’s it really. That’s what drives Hoseok right over the edge. His lip trembles again and Minhyuk leans over to hug him tight as he starts to shake and cry. 

Minhyuk just holds him as Hoseok cries, cries like a baby. little fists in Minhyuk’s shirt and presses his teeth together. Minhyuk strokes big gentle hands down Hoseok’s back, understanding hands, and they just sit like that, in the emptiness of the car. Minhyuk coos little comforts at Hoseok and rubs circles in his back until Hoseok sniffles and pulls away, embarrassed and rubbing at puffy eyes.

“I’m not crying because of the coffee,” Hoseok says, nose swollen, the tip red. Minhyuk pulls out more napkins as Hoseok blows his nose. He smiles sadly at him.

“I know,” he says. He pats Hoseok’s thigh, gives him time to breathe deep. “Where to? Home?” he asks, and Hoseok nods, pouting. 

“Sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to like...lose it.” Minhyuk shakes his head so fast the sight makes him dizzy.

“Not at all. You can’t apologize for that. These things happen. We’re only people, right? We can only take so much. I can’t hold your hand while I drive, so I’m sorry,” he says, mischievous, grinning. Hoseok shows a small smile.

“Thank you,” he says. “You’re so understanding, and positive...I don’t know how you do it,”

“And you’re like a moonflower,” Minhyuk says, shifting into D, foot pressing steadily on the brake. It turns out he’s not as reckless of a driver as Hoseok first thought, but he sure cuts some turns a bit too close, laughing as he does so. “You’re closed off until you’re so beautifully, beautifully open.” he says. “And then no one can look away,”. He turns his head to the road then, takes his foot off the brake, accelerates slow, and they sit in silence until they arrive at the house.

Hoseok thinks Minhyuk is his moon, the person he opens up for and waits to see, to bask in his glow. All day it’s like he’s waiting for something he can’t name, a feeling of deja vu that never goes away, and then he sees Minhyuk and remembers again. Moonflowers. Hoseok had seen one once, a real-time video of its petals unfurling, flattening out. People had gathered just to see it, just to watch it reveal itself.  _ You’re like a moonflower.  _ He wonders if people look at him that way.

They fuck slowly that night, without either of them saying anything about it. Hoseok can feel so much of Minhyuk’s body pressed against his, that same smothering intensity, skin warm. He can feel the way his orgasm builds slowly, so that he can identify each notch, each increasing twist of his stomach as he gets closer. 

He slides a desperate hand down Minhyuk’s back and says “Faster,” weakly, but Minhyuk doesn’t listen, remains consistent. Hoseok feels impatient and stubborn until he feels the way his orgasm rises up within him like the tide crashing on the shore, the way it washes everything away. He moans breathily, clutching Minhyuk closer, impossibly closer, kisses him deep as Minhyuk pushes in and out, pull like the moon controlling the tide. Minhyuk makes a soft and high sound and comes as well, his spell breaking. Hoseok swears he can hear the crash of the waves. He kisses Minhyuk deeply again. There’s something there that they don’t speak about that night, their hands tightly together, like there’s something fragile in the air that they don’t trust themselves not to break.

There’s a feeling of foreboding too, though. Sinister and chilling like wind in October. Minhyuk is asleep when Hoseok hears it whistle through the window, and he gets up and pulls the window so it’s shut all the way. He doesn’t know who he’s talking to when he says “Please let me keep him just a bit longer,” or even if anyone is listening, but he gets back into bed with Minhyuk and puts his arm around him, already missing him.

  
  
  



	2. im someone you maybe might love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i know i havent updated this in [checks watch] 6 months??? omg...but i hope it's better late than never. warning for some alcohol abuse, recreational drug use [marijuana], and if you're emetophobic [cant stand vomit] skip the entire shower/kihyun and wonho living room scene! i hope you enjoy!!
> 
> it's not a perfect story, and the writing could be improved, but it's still one of my favorite things i've ever written, and it's very special to me. i always wanted to write a love story like this, and i think minhyuk and wonho are such wonderful and complex people. i think they were the perfect choice.

 

Hoseok thinks the scariest part of telling the others that him and Minhyuk are a thing, sort of, is that there’s nothing certain about it. It could mean anything. Friends with benefits doesn’t even scratch the surface of their dynamic, but they’re not dating either, and Hoseok feels nauseous when he thinks about asking. And if Minhyuk decided he was bored? He thinks he couldn’t handle the humiliation of everyone knowing how infatuated he had been. 

 

And yet, on Saturday night he’s at a party, celebrating their classmate Yoonjin’s new internship (paid, of course) and he’s a little drunk, enough to really feel the music in his body and revel in how good it feels. Yoonjin has really good speakers, and Hoseok feels good, the bass replacing the heartbeat in his chest. He feels even better when Minhyuk appears behind him and wraps two lazy arms around his waist, kissing him on the cheek, the neck, as Hoseok turns his head to kiss him on the lips. 

 

“Everyone can see us,” Hoseok says. Minhyuk has never said he doesn’t want to be seen with Hoseok in public or anything. They hang out in public all the time, but this, so obviously together in the way that they’re together, it just seems like something Minhyuk doesn’t want to be showing off.

 

“I know,” Minhyuk says, smiling. He hasn’t had too much to drink, he’s just in a really good mood. He loves social gatherings like this, where he can get energy off being around other people without working too hard to keep things going smoothly. “You’re so pretty,” Minhyuk says. “And you’re mine, aren’t you?” he asks, and Hoseok feels his stomach fill with warmth. It’s a nice feeling, belonging to someone. 

 

“All yours,” Hoseok says, and leans back in Minhyuk’s embrace. Minhyuk turns him around so they’re facing each other and holds him tighter. He pushes Hoseok’s hair out of his face just slightly. Minhyuk peppers kisses all over his face, his soft and round cheeks, and Hoseok giggles. Hyungwon sees them, always there like a shadow, sips a dark drink. He smiles a little to himself at the sight, doesn’t want to bother them. 

  
  


The texts start to come slowly, and then not at all. Hours going by with no response, maybe two texts a day if he’s lucky, blank and devoid of personality like fresh sheets of paper. He tells himself Minhyuk is busy, he has tests coming up, he’s working, but he’s always made time before, and deep down inside, a part of Hoseok knows. He knows it’s ending. 

 

A week and a half go by and no one has asked about Minhyuk. They’re curious, but Hoseok seems gloomy, so Jooheon suggests a party his friend is throwing to cheer him up.

 

“It’ll be nice, hyung. You have to go. It’ll be a good use for all that leather you have. When else can you wear that?” He’s joking, and he squeezes Hoseok close. Hoseok has always found Jooheon so cute, adorable like a baby, so he shows a small smile and agrees.

  
  


The house that the party is at is nicer than most of the houses they go to, a frat house owned by some of the pre-Law students. This one has pretty curtains, white and sheer, something Hoseok’s mom would pick out, and the floor isn’t even sticky. There’s a huge cooler full of jungle juice and several more coolers full of cans of beer and other drinks with similar alcohol content, sugary and high calorie. 

 

Hoseok grabs a beer to get started, talks to some of the students he’s seen around. He doesn’t have a huge circle of friends, but it never hurt to talk to people. Sometimes people had the most unlikely connections, and in college, connections were everything. He meets some people he recognizes from a few of his classes, and he adds their numbers into his phone, thinks it’ll be good in case he needs emergency homework answers or loses his textbook. Both equally likely because honestly, Hoseok is forgetful, and if Kihyun didn’t text him reminders about important dates all the time, he’s not sure what he’d do. 

 

He says bye to the nice people he’s met, and it’s weird. It’s been a long time since Hoseok has gone to a party without looking for someone to go home with, at least kiss in a corner or against the wall. He doesn’t know if he can do that, what his situation with Minhyuk is, and if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t even want to hook up with someone else. His body only craves Minhyuk now, his heart rate speeding up whenever he picks one of Minhyuk’s shirts off the ground in his room and smells the hint of cologne that’s still there.

 

“This smells expensive,” he says once, inhaling. “How do you afford these things? You work part-time at a movie theatre.”

 

“I’m a Maxxinista,” he says, and doesn’t move fast enough to avoid Hyunwoo walking into him.

 

“Hyung, say you’re sorry,” Jooheon laughs. “You just knocked Minhyuk hyung halfway across the planet,”

 

“I’m not apologizing after what he just said. This was no accident.” Minhyuk laughs and it’s pure joy. 

 

“The next time you want to see a movie, I’ll charge you double!” Minhyuk says, and Hyunwoo laughs.

 

“I’ll get you fired,”

 

“You guys are weird,” Kihyun says. “I don’t even know if we have a TJ Maxx in Korea.”

 

“Um,” Minhyuk says, way too happy. “If we don’t then how am I a Maxxinista? Use your fucking brain,” Kihyun’s lips bend in an awful attempt to not laugh, but he fails, laughing quietly not to give Minhyuk the satisfaction.

 

“Shut the hell up,” he says, and then heads upstairs to study. Hoseok likes this easy dynamic. It’s almost like they’re...like they’re their own little family.

  
  


Hoseok, against his better judgement, decides to get some jungle juice, which will probably end up being a huge mistake, and who even knows what’s in that cooler? Maybe black mold, but the guy who says he made it is kind of a clean freak, so Hoseok feels ever so slightly sure of his decision as he scoops a cup into the red concoction. He tastes fruit punch and oh, vodka. Definitely vodka. He turns to go find Jooheon, or anybody really. He thinks Kihyun might have come, but he can’t remember because he hasn’t seen him anywhere. He sees no sign of them anywhere in the room, so he goes to check outside.

 

The air that hits his face upon opening the door is frigid, but Hoseok isn’t paying attention to that, body frozen in place. He’s not paying attention to that at all. All he can focus on is Minhyuk, sitting in some guy’s lap, his hands going up the guy’s shirt. They’re kissing, making out, and Hoseok feels a flurry of emotions all at the same time. Shock, anxiety, the kind of nausea that gnaws at your insides, the kind you can’t remedy. He feels like he needs to run, escape, do whatever he can to put it out of his mind, but then Minhyuk sees him, and they’re staring right into each other’s eyes. For a moment, Hoseok hopes Minhyuk will say something, anything, but then the guy whose lap Minhyuk’s sitting in cups his jaw and kisses him deep and Minhyuk shrugs, presses closer, forgetting all about Hoseok, and Hoseok leaves.

 

His whole body is thrumming with anxiety, and he thinks he might get sick. He chugs his cup of jungle juice and goes back to the cooler to get more. If he’s gonna get sick anyway he might as well try to get as numb as possible before it happens. He doesn’t want to tell Jooheon and make him take him home, and he’s still not sure if Kihyun even came with them. He thinks Kihyun is home studying, now that he thinks about it. Anything to not think about Minhyuk fitting into that guy’s lap like it was meant for him, how he’d  _ seen  _ Hoseok looking at him and hadn’t even said anything.

 

Hoseok feels stupid. Really, really stupid, in the exact way he’s been hoping he’d never feel, in the way he’s been dreading. The burn of the alcohol is faint but the sweetness of the jungle juice is sticky and cloying in his mouth and he wants to sit down. He wanders off, finds the room where people are smoking, sits down and gets silently welcomed to the circle. Someone hands him a beer, he’s not sure who. The walls are too close, he can’t really see more than a few feet in front of him. It feels like ages pass with each minute. He’s crossfaded and can feel that his eyes are heavy. He takes a hit and then immediately forgets ever doing it. Sleep tempts him but mostly he just feels good, feels everything in slow motion. Taking deep breaths, he can still feel the hint of anxiety in the back of his mind, keeping him from fully relaxing his muscles, and now that he’s paying attention to it, there’s nausea too.

 

A hand lands on his back, gently patting him. He feels his eyes open, but he isn’t sure when he closed them.

 

“Hyung? Hoseokie hyung?” Jooheon asks, a little worried but his voice soft, like trying to wake a sleeping child. Hoseok just hums in affirmation.

 

“Are you okay?” Hoseok nods, head feeling like it’s 100 lbs. He doesn’t understand why he’s being asked that.

 

“Why?” he asks.

 

“You just look pretty messed up. Do you want some water?” Hoseok opens his eyes for real, takes in Jooheon’s face. He’s so pretty, the light hits all his features. He reaches out and strokes Jooheon’s cheek with his thumb, sees how his eyebrows furrow slightly with concern. 

 

“Such a cute baby,” Hoseok laughs. “Sure” he says, putting his hand back down after pinching his cheek lightly. Jooheon whines.

 

“Hyung,” he says, and his whining only makes Hoseok giggle more. “I told you not to call me a baby anymore,” He stares at Hoseok then, something Hoseok isn’t astute enough to put a name to in his eyes. “I’ll be right back with your water,” he says, and then walks away. A few minutes later, he almost thinks he imagined ever seeing Jooheon, that he was some kind of mirage, a hallucination.

 

Hoseok thinks about the party, the nice curtains, the amazing playlist someone has had on for the last forty five minutes. Hoseok finishes the beer. He gets passed a shot, and he’s always thought parties were funny, how it’s just a group effort to get everyone there as fucked up as possible. Hoseok knows he shouldn’t take the shot, but he does anyway, hisses a bit at the vague burn. The taste of rubbing alcohol and artificial strawberry flavoring. It’s probably just because of the weed, but it feels like it’s been hours since Jooheon left. He didn’t want water that bad anyways. He could get it himself. 

 

He tries to stand up, and it doesn’t go well. He leans on a table and manages to stand up all the way, wobbling into the living room to get a water bottle, leaning on walls and sometimes people. He lets out a deep breath when he successfully stands up with the water bottle, just letting the music wash over him as he stays in front of the cooler. He feels good. He really does, like somehow he found the perfect mix of weed and alcohol. 

 

“Are you okay?” says a voice, and Hoseok turns his head, everything blurry, like driving fast past lights at night time. 

 

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” he slurs. The person looks a lot like Jooheon’s friend, Gunhee.

 

“You’re crying, you know. I’m gonna get Jooheon. Don’t move,”

 

“Okay,” Hoseok nods tiredly. “Tell him not to forget my water.”

 

“You have water in your hand,” Gunhee says, and he sounds sad. Hoseok feels sad, too. Deep inside his chest he can feel it. It hurts a lot, and he’s kind of worried about how it’ll feel when it’s not being drowned out by all the substances in his body.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Hoseok says, feeling the water bottle in his hand. It’s cold and wet from the cooler, and Hoseok is half- not quite asleep, but something more artificial - and his grip on the water bottle slips, and it falls on the floor. He needs some fresh air. 

 

He goes back outside, and Minhyuk and that guy aren’t making out in that chair anymore. They probably went home together, probably left a long time ago. It’s weird, Hoseok is thinking about Minhyuk but he doesn’t seem like his Minhyuk anymore. He seems like a guy he knew once, years ago. An acquaintance. The idea of him is so close and so distant at the same time.

 

Hoseok sees a bowl with grapes in it on a picnic table and eats a handful, eyes shutting from the rhythmic motion of chewing. He staggers, and then just decides to sit down in front of the table, eating with his eyes shut. 

 

“Are you okay?” A voice asks, and this is the third time tonight. He barely manages to open his eyes. Everything is hard, and he’s so tired. He forgets to answer.

 

“Hoseok.” The voice calls, louder, and oh, Hoseok knows that voice. His eyes open when he recognizes it. His stomach lurches. He sits up and throws up in the grass, coughing, tears running down his cheeks. The person cards their long fingers through his hair gently, cooing at him. 

 

“Come with me,” he says, and Hoseok takes his outstretched hand, and follows him to the best of his ability. 

 

“I’m gonna take Hoseok home,” Minhyuk says to Jooheon and Gunhee, who are talking near the speakers. Minhyuk has to yell to get them to hear him, but he’s very good at that. 

 

“Thanks, hyung.” Jooheon says. “We were looking for him but we couldn’t find him,” Jooheon looks at Hoseok. “I love you, hyung,” he says, and looks really sincere, wipes a tear from his Hoseok’s cheek with his thumb. “Minhyuk hyung is gonna take you back to the house,” he says, and Hoseok just nods sadly, half aware of what’s going on. 

 

Walking to the car with Minhyuk is a sobering experience.

 

He sees a hickey on Minhyuk’s neck, and he knows it’s not from him. They haven’t hooked up in a good two weeks, and it has to be from that guy in the chair, the one whose lap Minhyuk was sitting in. Hoseok feels sick again. 

 

“I need another shot,” he mumbles, and turns back to get it from the party. Minhyuk reaches out and grabs his arm, shaking his head.

 

“You’re not having more of anything in there. I know you smoked. I can smell it on you. It’s time to go home, get some rest.” Hoseok is strong enough to pull his arm away, storm off, but he doesn’t. Minhyuk isn’t even yelling at him, but the stern tone in his voice makes Hoseok cry. He’s super fucked up, and it makes him sensitive. His lower lip trembles, and his teeth press together. He’s crying like a baby, and it would be so embarrassing, but shame is beyond him.

 

He lets out little hiccups and sobs and whines and gasps of breath, and Minhyuk’s expression softens tremendously. 

 

“I’m not mad at you, Hoseok.” he says, hugging him. “No one’s mad, it’s okay.” he says, and he’s so good at comforting him still. Hoseok shudders with the force of his sobs and sucks in a rough breath.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything to me when I saw you kissing that guy?” Hoseok slurs, lisp mangling the words. If Minhyuk wasn’t so used to hearing him talk, he wouldn’t have any idea what he was saying. He’s still crying, his throat raw and tight and sore when he tries to talk.

 

“I’m not yours, Hoseok. I don’t have to explain why I do things. We’re not even dating or anything,” Minhyuk says, and Hoseok stills for a second.

 

“Oh...Yeah, yeah. You’re right.”

 

“You thought we were, didn’t you?” Minhyuk asks, and he looks sad.

 

“It’s not that I thought we were dating...We just- We never said anything about it, I guess I just- It’s okay. It’s my fault, anyways.” Hoseok cries with his face in his hands, and Minhyuk can’t bring himself to take his hands away like he wants to, to cup his full cheeks.

 

“I love you,” he says, but his voice sounds rough from h

ow tight his throat is. The word comes out wobbly, unsure, but painful in its vulnerability, in how much feeling it brings with it. 

 

“Hoseok, you don’t mean that. You’re incredibly drunk. Please, and It’s nobody’s ‘fault’,” Minhyuk says, eyebrows furrowing. “Just a misunderstanding. I’m sorry for not being clearer about it. I guess I just thought it was obvious, but I was wrong. You’re really nice, Hoseok,” he says, and Hoseok puts his hand up to stop him.

 

“If it’s okay with you, I just wanna….I just wanna go home. Can you just drive me back to the house?” he asks, and Minhyuk nods too quickly, lips pressed tightly together. Minhyuk tries to maintain an amicable atmosphere, says Hoseok can put whatever music he wants on, hands him the AUX cord, but Hoseok doesn’t grab it, just lets it lay on the seat and stares out the window. When Minhyuk pulls up to his house, he stares at Hoseok like he’s expecting something, but Hoseok doesn’t know what he wants. He unbuckles himself and says “Thanks”, as he gets out, and he doesn’t look at Minhyuk once. What hurts is that Minhyuk waits until Hoseok is inside to drive away, even as Hoseok fumbles embarrassingly with the keys.

 

He can’t bring himself to hate Minhyuk, not at all. Not even one bit, and it hurts.

  
  


It’s embarrassing how much Hoseok’s life falls apart after that, a downward spiral created entirely by himself, contained just enough not to catch the attention of all the others living with him. He skips his classes, especially the one he has with Minhyuk, and doesn’t do his daily workout, or even his bi-weekly workout, or any workout at all, really. He goes to whatever party he gets invited to, and he can’t make himself go home with anyone, because he’s too depressed to be horny and even though he and Minhyuk haven’t been talking for a while now, it still feels like he’s cheating. He does dance with a few people though, makes out with them in low light, get a little too drunk. Hyunwoo keeps picking him up, silent on the way back as Hoseok mumbles a “Thanks” and lays across the backseat to sleep, a little trash can in front of him in case he gets sick. 

 

But that’s the first phase of it all going downhill. His grades get lower and lower, his showers less frequent. He sleeps in every day until 1 pm, doesn’t do his laundry. Doesn’t eat much, either. All he has the energy to do is exist, and even that’s difficult sometimes.

  
  


Hoseok is sitting on the shower floor, which can’t possibly be hygienic, the water beating down on him as he takes lazy sips from a bottle of gin. The latest sip actually makes him gag a little, so he opens his mouth up wide and lets a bit of the shower water chase it down. No one has noticed he’s up here like this yet, stomach in knots from the alcohol and anxiety and sadness that takes everything else out so it can fill him up. Breathing aches. Just to make it all worse he is hyper aware of his heart, beating, squeezing. 

 

He takes another swig and gags, but he doesn't get sick. He puts a hand over his mouth for a second and calms down his shaky body. He tries to reach up to turn off the shower water but his hand is heavy and the movement is too refined for his drunken body. He punches the gin bottle and it pours down his shoulder and chest. Now he needs to leave the water on to rinse it off. He lets out a frustrated and defeated sound and then regrets it. It got away before he could grab it and press it back inside. The sting of tears in his eyes and the way his throat tightens makes his heart rate speed up and he tries to stifle, stifle, stifle. He lets out two gasping, desperate breaths, silently begs his body not to cry.

 

He feels his bottom lip quiver and his face crumple like a used paper towel and tries not to lean into the touch of sorrow. He digs his teeth into his lip and sniffles and takes a deep but shaky breath, hears footsteps outside the door but they sound more muffled than usual, miles away. The door is opening, and Hoseok could have sworn he locked it, but then he thinks that might have been a dream. He wants to stand up and explain himself but standing up seems like a bad idea and as far as whoever’s coming in is concerned he’s just taking a shower. No explanation necessary. He cradles the bottle close to his chest but it’s cold and it gives him goosebumps.

 

“Hoseok, you’ve been in here for a long time,” Kihyun says. When Hoseok doesn’t reply, too tired to answer, Kihyun calls for him again. He waits, and Hoseok can tell he’s probably got his eyebrows furrowed, and then he pulls the curtain back. 

 

Hoseok’s head is lolled to the side and he just feels too defeated and drunk to even stand up, and Kihyun’s eyes seem to get impossibly wide in slow motion. He turns off the water and Hoseok shivers when the air hits his skin. The water’s long since ran lukewarm, but he couldn’t tell. Kihyun cradles his face in his hands and calls his name.

 

“Look at me,” he’s saying. “Oh, Hoseok. Let’s get you out of here.” He grabs a towel and dries Hoseok’s hair, fluffy and sticking up at weird angles like a child. He dries his shoulders, rubbing the skin to heat it up somewhat, and Hoseok is shivering. He all but yanks the bottle out of Hoseok’s hands and sets it on the sink ledge. He wraps the towel around Hoseok and leads him out of the shower. He’s unsteady when he stands and starts to walk but Kihyun is supporting him, looking stern, serious and distressed but so capable. Kihyun is the friend that always seems to know what to do, and he’s been taking care of Hoseok for years.  

 

They get to the living room and Kihyun sits him up. Hoseok tries to lay down but Kihyun snaps at him to sit up. 

 

“You can’t fall asleep,” Kihyun says. “Don’t you dare lay down.” He leaves briefly (very, very briefly) to get Hoseok a glass of water. He brings the pitcher with him so he can watch as Hoseok forces cup after cup of water down. He stops when his stomach starts to hurt, after two and a half and Kihyun relents somewhat. 

 

“Hoseok,” he says, looking right into Hoseok’s eyes. They’re droopy from alcohol and puffy from just the bit of crying he’d done in the shower. “What is wrong?” The question is like something Hoseok has been wanting someone to ask and hoped that no one would ask at the same time. He doesn’t know how to answer. He smiles, the reaction Kihyun expected the least, and it’s crooked, the right side of his drunken mouth tilting up higher.

 

“I just made a mistake. It’s all my fault. Really. There was a misunderstanding. I just misunderstood things like I always do and got myself hurt.” He feels so sleepy. He knows he’s going to get sick sooner or later, but sleep presses at him more than the nausea for the moment. 

 

“What kind of misunderstanding?” Kihyun asks, and Hoseok just puts a finger to his lips and shushes him.

 

“Just me being stupid and getting myself hurt like always. It’s nothing new, Kihyunnie.” he says, and Kihyun frowns at him. “Thanks for getting me out of the shower.” 

 

“Never do that again. You could slip and fall in there and crack your head open, or at the very least get a concussion, or break your leg-”

 

“I won’t,” Hoseok promises, and his eyes are heavy. “I’m so tired. Do I still have to sit up?” he asks, bright for a moment, obedient like a child. Kihyun just wants to keep him safe. He strokes Hoseok’s half dry hair and stares at him fondly, eyes softening. 

 

“No,” he says. “You can sleep. Just...eat some of these crackers first.” he says, pulling a pack of crackers out from behind him. Hoseok swears he didn’t have those when he came in, that they just materialized because Kihyun wanted them to, but he has no proof. He nods and shoves like five crackers into his mouth, and the motion of chewing makes him that much sleepier. Suddenly, he can understand all those times Hyungwon fell asleep at the dinner table, his cheeks round with food and his eyes gradually shutting more and more. He swallows the crackers and Kihyun hands him a cup of the water to wash them down with and he looks sleepily at Kihyun, wants to learn into the warmth of his touch. 

 

Kihyun seems to understand from his gaze alone, opening his arms and then patting his lap. Hoseok lays his head on Kihyun’s thighs and they’re not as soft and pillowy as Jooheon’s, but they feel like the world’s best pillow in that moment, and Kihyun’s gentle, loving hands stroking over his hair and his back. When Hoseok is asleep, Kihyun reaches carefully for the remote and keeps the volume low so he doesn’t wake up. He expects it won’t be long before Hoseok wakes up needing to throw up. 

 

Hyungwon comes in through the front door, hanging his coat up on the hook next to it. The door slams a little when Hyungwon closes it with his hip, and Kihyun shushes him harshly. Hyungwon’s eyes widen in surprise before he sees Kihyun point to Hoseok, who is sleeping in his lap. Hyungwon turns his head to the side in confusion but Kihyun just shrugs.

 

“Is he okay?” Hyungwon whispers, and Kihyun looks down at Hoseok, his pouty mouth open as he sleeps, his eyelashes, thinks about how he had seen Hoseok so drunk he could hardly move under the shower water that had gone cold, and Hoseok couldn’t even tell. Kihyun slides a few fingers through Hoseok’s soft hair, mostly dry now, and says “I’m not sure,” and Hyungwon frowns at him, worry in his chest. His ribcage feels too tight. 

 

He goes to the bathroom, sees the unfinished gin bottle on the sink ledge, putting two and two together, startling when he almost knocks it onto the ground with his elbow. That’d certainly wake Hoseok up, and then there’d be glass everywhere. Hyungwon thinks if Hoseok had kept going he would have gotten alcohol poisoning, feels bad for not being home, for not being with Hoseok. He hears retching noises from the living room and dries his hands quickly, picking up the bottle of gin and taking it out of the bathroom.

 

He sees Kihyun holding Hoseok’s bangs out of his face as he throws up into a bucket they apparently own. He’s dry heaving hard, and it’s obvious he’s going to have broken blood vessels. He normally does all he can to get away from vomiting people, but his heart hurts hearing the sounds he makes. His throat is going to be sore, throwing up what’s probably just stomach acid and gin. He places the bottle of gin on the table and rubs Hoseok’s back. Hoseok looks up at Hyungwon out of the corner of his eye at the movement, and then sees the gin, gagging and getting sick again.

 

“Can you get that out of here?” Kihyun asks nicely, and Hyungwon gets up to do so, feeling foolish for bringing it in. Being drunk like that means even the idea of alcohol makes you sick. He knows that well enough. Hyungwon sits there in quiet support as Kihyun tries to get Hoseok to take small sips of warm water. He manages and slumps against Kihyun’s thigh. He’s sitting on the floor between Kihyun’s legs with the bucket between his knees. He’s shaking a little bit. Kihyun is glad he made him chug that water before he slept, so he won’t get dehydrated as fast. Hoseok looks incredibly sick, like his world is spinning. Kihyun can see the world revolving in his eyes, half shut.

 

“I’m in hell,” Hoseok slurs. He didn’t sleep for too long, just an hour or so, and he’s still drunk. “I’m in hell and there’s no redemption for my soul,” he says. His eyes are tearing up from all the pressure in his face and his voice is raspy, a harsh edge to his soft way of speaking.

 

“We’ll take care of you,” Hyungwon says. “I’ll drive you to the ER if I have to. I can’t believe how much you drank, hyung. That’s not safe.” He scolds gently. He thinks if Hoseok’s stomach doesn’t settle in about half an hour, he’s gonna have to take that bucket with him in the car and see a doctor. Hoseok whines pitifully as he gets another wave of nausea and shuts his eyes tight. Hyungwon’s long slender fingers reach out to squeeze Hoseok’s earlobe, hoping the pressure will distract him from the nausea. It works, although Hoseok looks confused, but he’s too out of it to ask questions.

 

Kihyun’s mom is a nurse, so Hyungwon does whatever Kihyun says to do as long as Hoseok is getting sick, so Hyungwon gets crackers and and two glasses of warm water so the cold temperature doesn’t shock his stomach and even grabs Kihyun’s leftover sushi from earlier that day out of the fridge so Hoseok can suck on the pieces of ginger that came with it to settle his stomach. Hoseok gets down two crackers and half a glass of water before he feels his stomach protesting and decides not to push it. Kihyun wipes his mouth with a warm washcloth and Hoseok falls asleep with his head on Kihyun’s thigh, and Kihyun gives the okay sign for Hyungwon to go up, mouths “Thank you,”. 

 

Hyungwon walks up the stairs as quietly as possible, footsteps light like they’re not even there, like he’s a phantom. He just hopes Hoseok will sleep through the night, but he places his keys next to his head just in case Kihyun comes in and tells him they have to go. Hoseok won’t remember Hyungwon shuffling in and out of the kitchen with his glasses of water or rubbing his back, but it’s okay. Hyungwon shows his love like this, through quiet dedication, through loyalty and concern. As he sleeps, Hyungwon’s hand unconsciously slides up past his head to grip the keys.

 

At 4:33 AM, Kihyun wakes up to soft hitches of breath, cries that are trying to remain silent, sobs that vibrate in the throat without ever making it out, without ever being heard.

 

“Oh, Hoseok,” he says, rolling off the couch to sit beside him and put an arm around his shoulders.

 

“I can’t imagine my life without him,” Hoseok says, wiping his tears on his sleeve, voice cracking. And it’s true, what Kihyun thought, that this has been about Minhyuk all along.

 

“You’ve only known him for a few months,” Kihyun says, not patronizing, but reminding. 

 

“I know,” Hoseok whispers, like it’s too painful to think about.

 

“There was life before him, and there will be life after him too,” Kihyun says, but he takes Hoseok into his arms anyways, holds him until the sobs die down and Hoseok falls back into half drunken sleep. Kihyun knows his voice will sound like sandpaper tomorrow, like he gargled rocks, and he frowns.

  
  


“You can’t expect perfection from other people, Hoseok,” Hyungwon says one day. He’s sitting close enough to smell Hoseok’s three day old cologne that lingers on his grey hoodie, but far enough back that Hoseok doesn’t enter the ring of guilt around him like a forcefield, like a curse. “If you live like that, you’ll always be disappointed.” 

 

“I didn’t expect perfection,” Hoseok says, a tear making his eyelashes clump together as he wipes it away. His fingers come away wet. “I just wanted him to stay a little while,”

 

“That’s what he did, wasn’t it?” Hyungwon asks. He pushes a box of tissues towards Hoseok like penance, like a peace offering. Hoseok pulls a tissue out and when he blows his nose it’s comically loud, like a cartoon sound effect. “Minhyuk doesn’t stay. He lingers.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? You’ve known him much longer than I have.” Hoseok asks, voice barely above a whisper, and he’s not trying to blame it all on Hyungwon, but he’s hurting. Hyungwon swallows harder, the ring of guilt squeezes in on him tighter but melts away when he meets Hoseok’s eyes, not angry, just sad. Hyungwon moves closer and cradles Hoseok’s head in a big hand, gentle and nurturing.

 

“I was like you,” he says, and he sounds sad. “I thought this time would be different,”

  
  
  


“You know, you won’t be able to avoid Minhyuk forever.” Kihyun says.

 

“Why not?” Hoseok says, eyes peeking out from under his greasy fringe, hood pulled over himself and laying under two comforters. He almost hisses like a vampire from an old movie when Kihyun opens the door and the light filters in, which is probably a sign he needs to go outside, but he doesn’t have the energy to.

 

“Because he’s our friend and he visits our house and all the spots we hang out frequently.” Kihyun says, and Hoseok groans, sliding back under the covers, knowing that Kihyun is right.

 

“If I just stay in my bed like this, he’ll never see me. We won’t have to run into each other if I become a hermit.” Kihyun cracks half a smile.

 

“What about classes?”

 

“They have online school.”

 

“What about the gym?”

 

“I can work out in my room.”

 

“A job?”

 

“I’ll sell my used underwear on ebay or something. I don’t know. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” he says, and Kihyun decides to have mercy on him for another day, closes the door with a sigh.

  
  


At some point, Hosek finds himself on the rooftop with Changkyun. He forced himself to get up that morning, go on a walk. He was so tired he almost just went right back to sleep but he decided that he needed this, to let the cold air wake him up, and at some point he ran into Changkyun. It’s weird weather, Hoseok thinks. Cold but sunny, and Hoseok wonders if it means something.

 

“I just wanna be someone someday,” Changkyun says. He takes a hit off the joint he’s holding and passes it to Hoseok, exhaling the smoke as he does do. Hoseok likes how his profile looks with the sun hitting his face, likes the way he holds the joint between his fingers. He looks sexy, but Hoseok ignores that thought, breathes the smoke in deep. It hasn’t really set in yet, but he knows it will, knows better than to smoke too much too soon and end up smacked.

“You will be,” he says, sounding more certain than he feels. “We’ll all be someone someday, and we just hope we like who that someone is,” Changkyun looks at him then, eyes narrowed. Hoseok can  _ feel _ him analyzing him in that moment, examining each word. Changkyun has always been so astute, sometimes frustratingly so. Sometimes Hoseok wants to be ignored. He takes a deep inhale, lets the smoke in slow, eyes closed, and he knows Changkyun finds him pretty in that moment, and that makes him feel pretty. 

“You’re beautiful, hyung,” Changkyun says, and Hoseok feels like a mind reader. Hoseok considers that, knows he should hand the joint back to Changkyun, but he takes another hit first, and then gives it to him.

“Beautiful enough to kiss?” he asks, knowing what he’s doing as Changkyun looks him in the eyes. Changkyun nods almost imperceptibly, and then leans forward, ashing the joint and putting it out without looking, and it’s impressive if Hoseok’s being honest, a niche skill set.

Changkyun’s mouth on his is warm and forgiving, familiar and tastes like weed, something burnt, but his lips are soft. They’ve kissed a few times before this, and honestly Hoseok should probably stop kissing his friends, but he pushes his mouth harder against Changkyun’s, really feeling it. He’s definitely high now, sluggish but more sensitive to Changkyun’s touch, a good kind of dizzy as their mouths move together. 

Changkyun kisses down the corner of Hoseok’s mouth, trailing down to his neck, mouth gentle, so unlike Minhyuk’s love bites, his tongue pressing against the skin. Two different kinds of pleasure. Changkyun’s lips feels so good on his neck, but somehow Hoseok knows he should make him stop. He moans, which takes away the legitimacy of his next statement a bit, but he taps Changkyun on the back lightly.

“Hey, I think we should stop,” he says, a little breathless, and Changkyun, never intruding, always treading lightly, pulls away with no further explanation.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, meaning every word, cupping Changkyun’s soft cheek so he knows that. “It was good, but I think it’s best not to take it too far.” Changkyun nods, considering that. 

“Can I kiss you just one more time?” he asks, and he’s so cute, Hoseok can’t possibly say no. He smiles lazily. 

“Of course,” he says, and Changkyun kisses deep but gentle, like he wants to remember it for a long time. He pulls away slow.

“You’re my favorite hyung,” he says, and Hoseok laughs, the first time in too long, playfully hitting Changkyun on the shoulder. He knows he’ll just pick a new favorite hyung, probably Kihyun when he buys him bubble tea or gets him that video game for his birthday he’s wanted for a while, but it feels good in the moment, feels easy, like old times.

  
  
  


Hoseok is leaving his College Writing class, the first class he’s attended in longer than he wants to admit, and he’s about to get in his car and go home to take a long and well deserved nap when he sees a familiar silhouette coming towards him. He curses, hopes he’s wrong about who it is, and almost sets off his own car alarm with his panicked attempts to unlock the door.

But he’s right. It  _ is _ Minhyuk, walking up to him with the brisk steps of winter, shoulders high from cold and tense muscles, his breath coming out in visible puffs. He hates how sweet Minhyuk looks, how he wants to put his gloved hands on Minhyuk’s cheeks to warm them up. He’s never been mad at him, not this whole time, because it’s impossible to get mad at him. And when he looks, when he really looks at him, Minhyuk is smiling and his eyes are so kind. 

“Hey,” Minhyuk says. It’s simple enough, but it makes Hoseok feel nauseous to hear his voice. He digs his nails into the palm of his hand. 

“Hey,” he says back, trying not to make direct eye contact, except Minhyuk hates that, so he follows Hoseok’s eyes until their gazes meet, doesn’t give him the chance to look away.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m following you or keeping you from hanging out with your friends,” Minhyuk says. “They’re my friends too now, but I want you to be comfortable. I kind of feel like I’m some sort of big monster that keeps bullying you out of having a good time and I can’t stand it. If you want to me to stay away sometimes, just tell me, okay? I can respect that.” Hoseok nods, taking that in. He appreciates it, he does. He just is so unhappy with the situation, that he even feels this anxious talking to Minhyuk in the first place. Minhyuk who did his eye shadow and talked through movies with him and rubbed his sore back muscles after he overdid it at the gym.

“Okay,” he says softly, and doesn’t sound as sure of himself as he was hoping he would.

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk says, and he looks nervous. Hoseok doesn’t like it when Minhyuk looks nervous, because it offsets the whole balance of how things should be. Minhyuk is sure of himself, speaks easily. It’s a cosmic fact, so when he falters, it makes Hoseok’s stomach drop. 

“Could we start over?” he asks. He blinks and one of his eyes is a little later than the other. Hoseok sucks in a shallow breath. He thinks about it, if that means he can’t hold on to any of their memories together. The idea of that hurts him, but he thinks he can keep them a secret again, just like he kept his love a secret the first time. He presses his lips together in a firm line, and the cold wind whips at his hair. The tips of his ears are freezing.

“Yeah,” he decides, nodding. “We can.” Minhyuk smiles so brightly it almost hurts to look, but Hoseok feels warmth in his chest when he realizes he’s the one who made Minhyuk so beautifully, so happily.

“Wonderful,” Minhyuk says. “Do you wanna come over to my place?” he asks. Hoseok thinks about the implications of that, about what a bad idea that is. 

“We don’t have to do anything,” Minhyuk clarifies, but there’s a bit of an invitation in there too, like if Hoseok is okay with it, they  _ can  _ do something. He gets in Minhyuk’s car and Minhyuk drives them to his apartment, the place where it all really began.

  
  
  


“I missed kissing you,” Minhyuk says. “Nobody kisses back like you do. I missed your hips,” he says, his big hands firmly grabbing Hoseok’s hips. Hoseok is laying on top of him and kissing him in between words and sentences and breaths and he should have known this would happen, but he thinks even if he did, he’d do the same thing.

“When I was at that party,” Minhyuk starts, and it makes Hoseok pause for a second before he returns to sucking on Minhyuk’s neck, albeit somewhat anxiously. “I was making out with that guy because I didn’t think there was anything stopping me. We weren’t official, and I could if I wanted to, but then I just got sick of it. It wasn’t good, I didn’t want to kiss him- I- I didn’t want to kiss anyone except for you.” he says, and Hoseok shakes on top of him. “I tried again with other people and it was just never the same. They didn’t feel like you do. I kept thinking to myself that it’d be so much better if it was you I was kissing and touching and holding instead, but it wasn’t, and then after it was over I felt disgusting. I kept wanting to call you.” he said, and his fingers twitch on Hoseok’s hips, aching to pull him closer. 

“Then why didn’t you?” Hoseok asks, trembling. It’s a fair question, and he feels like he’s earned an explanation.

“I was getting scared,” he whispers. “Things were so intense. I wanted to spend every minute of every day with you. I was so scared. I’m sorry I ignored your texts. You deserved so much better. You still do. I just didn’t know what to do with all the feelings inside of me. I had no place to put them.”

“What are you trying to say?” Hoseok whispers, and it wasn’t supposed to be so quiet, but he’s afraid of the answer.

“You thought we were dating before,” Minhyuk says, and Hoseok nods. “What if we try that, for real this time?” Minhyuk asks, and Hoseok feels Minhyuk’s fingers wiping away his tears before he even notices they’re sliding down his face. 

“Are you okay?” Minhyuk asks. Hoseok nods, lets himself collapse into Minhyuk’s chest from his lifted position over him. Minhyuk holds him, rubs his back.

“Let’s try it,” Hoseok says, and he’s crying, but Minhyuk’s touch feels soothing. It’s all he’s been craving for weeks anyway, and it’s like fire and ice at the same time, too much and too little. He lifts his head from Minhyuk’s chest to kiss Minhyuk hard and it’s salty from the remnants of tears on his lips but Minhyuk kisses him back. 

They have sex three times, fast and hard like desperation, clinging to each other and wanting to feel more, more, more of each other. Wanting to merge together. It’s slow then, like it was the night Hoseok shut the window, but this time the foreboding feeling is gone, and he’s just full and feels good, secure for the first time in a long time. 

“Can I ride you?” Hoseok asks, biting his lip, worried Minhyuk will say no. He’s not even necessarily horny anymore, he just wants to keep touching Minhyuk, stay close to him, know he’s there. Minhyuk glances between them. 

“Aren’t you tired?” he asks. Hoseok shakes his head. He’s not. The anxiety he felt on the way to Minhyuk’s is enough to keep him up forever, stronger than any of Hyungwon’s expensive artisan coffees. Minhyuk pushes his hair back, affectionate. 

“You’ll be sore tomorrow, baby.” Hoseok considers that. 

“Will you massage my legs?” he asks, hopeful. Minhyuk smiles, a little bit sleepy, very fond.

“Of course I will,” he says. Hoseok kisses him, moves to get up. 

“Then I’ll just take my seat,” he says, and Minhyuk laughs. 

“Naughty,” he says, giggling as he places his hands on Hoseok’s hips, Hoseok takes the lube and gets Minhyuk’s cock nice and slick, the third time that night, and lowers himself slowly. The stretch is familiar and nothing more than a gentle and pleasurable ache after a night of sex. He exhales when he’s fully seated, looks at Minhyuk, who’s staring right into his eyes, lip between his teeth.

“So beautiful,” he says. His thumbs slide over Hoseok’s hipbones and Hoseok lifts his hips a bit and sinks back down. Minhyuk helps him, rolls his hips up and helps support Hoseok’s weight so his thighs don’t hurt as much. 

“Use those muscles!” Minhyuk jokes, and Hoseok is glad they can laugh like this. It’s not mindless sex, Hoseok doesn’t think it ever really was, what they had. 

  
  
  


“Thank god you’re back,” Jooheon says, whining. “Hoseok hyung tried to kill himself in the shower when you two broke up,”

“We didn’t break up,” Hoseok says, “And don’t make it sound so dramatic,”

“Okay, fine,” Jooheon says. “Hoseok hyung tried to give himself alcohol poisoning in the shower, and he would have succeeded if Kihyun hyung didn’t get him out in time. Is that better?”

“Hyungwon was there, too,” Hoseok says, and Hyungwon is startled. He didn’t think he knew. He smiles and can’t help how his face looks fond, looking at Hoseok under the pink lights. 

“Please tell me you’re not serious,” Minhyuk says, concerned, but Jooheon nods.

“Dead serious, I’m afraid. Like Hoseok hyung would have been if he took one more sip of-”

“That’s enough,” Kihyun says, slapping Jooheon lightly on the back. “You’re ruining the mood.”

“What’d you drink?” Minhyuk tries to whisper to Hoseok, but he’s not good at it. It kind of just sounds him talking normally. Hoseok blames the alcohol.

“Gin,” he says.

“Straight? That’s disgusting, Hoseok. You might as well just drink some Pine Sol out of the bottle,”

“If you kiss some random dude at a party again, I’ll keep that in mind,” he says. Minhyuk knocks him to the side with his shoulder with way more force than Hoseok expected, and he topples over into Hyunwoo, who doesn’t even budge. He’s like a brick wall in a leather jacket.

“You don’t have to worry about that happening, so shut up,” Minhyuk says. 

“Romance,” Hyungwon sighs wistfully, and Changkyun elbows him in the ribs. Gently, because he’s a nice boy. Hyungwon giggles in that gremliny way of his, and Changkyun laughs with him.

Later, when they’ve all had a bit too much to drink, Hoseok gets whiny and clingy and Minhyuk gets handsy and possessive and they start to kiss a little too much in front of everyone in the living room. Changkyun yells for them to get a room and they do, stumble their way up the stairs, still kissing, not leaving each other for a minute. They try to be quiet as they have sex, everyone just downstairs and the walls not too thick, but they can only do their best. The others shrug and drink until it’s a quiet hum in the distance, and they pretend they’re annoyed, but they’re happy. They’re really so happy.


End file.
